Gen Z’s dating culture is increasingly shaped by social media, viral advice, and so-called “ick lists,” leaving young people frustrated and often disappointed.
Lea Veloso, 26, has an ever-growing ick list. She rejects potential partners for things like spitting on the ground, inability to cook, lying about height, or being “apolitical.” Other dealbreakers include lack of travel, discomfort with men wearing makeup, saving themselves for marriage, or even failing to maintain a skincare routine. Veloso keeps her list in her Notes app, referring to it when dating new people.
“I think I’m constantly disappointed by real men,” she said. “For so long, I’ve been idealizing this one man who will drop everything for me, who will know my likes, and is someone who’s the perfect mold.”
Social media has amplified these trends. Platforms like TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram showcase viral dating advice, breakup stories, and examples of “perfect” couples. These digital influences often guide Gen Z’s dating expectations, leaving little room for nuance in real-life relationships.
Relational psychoanalyst Cynthia LaForte said the trend reflects a generational habit of clinicalizing dating behavior, often influenced by misapplied therapy language online. “We’ve pathologized away personality,” she said. “There’s a big narrative around ‘these are the types of people you date’ and ‘these are the people you break up with,’ and it leaves little room for compassion.”
Creators like Lexie (@spicycokezero) have gained popularity by posting videos that guide viewers through social cues in dating, such as identifying when someone is romantically interested or navigating friend-to-lover dynamics. Her content resonates with young people trying to understand relationships in a digital-first world.
Some dating criteria can be helpful. Nicole, 22, said her own ick list helped her end a potential relationship after a man repeatedly claimed she intimidated him. “There is nothing intimidating about me. He had to go,” she said.
However, LaForte cautioned that reducing relationships to checklists or viral rules can be overly reductive. “It can guide you and hold you accountable,” she said, “but treating dating as an intellectual process of ticking off boxes fails to account for the humanity of it.”
Veloso finds comfort in romance video games like Love and Deepspace, where players pursue idealized relationships in a safe, controlled environment. “It’s a kind of love that feels safer than going out into the world and being uncertain about what kind of love you have,” she said.
The rise of Gen Z dating rules and ick lists reflects a larger shift in how young people approach relationships. Social media, viral culture, and online advice have created a generation navigating romance under constant scrutiny, where expectations are high and real-life experiences often fail to measure up.
